Award-Winning Author of
RECOVERING FROM EMOTIONAL TRAUMA
Dr. Todd Berntson
Author • Speaker • Coach
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REBUILDING YOUR SENSE OF SELF
WHEN YOU WERE MADE TO FAIL
Recovering from the Wounds of Effigism
Effigism is a pattern of emotional cruelty in which the effigist manages their own hidden wound by keeping another person (a proxy) in a diminished, defective, dependent, ridiculous, shameful, or failed position. The proxy becomes the weak one, the foolish one, the needy one, the unstable one, the incompetent one, the one who cannot get life right. As long as they stay in that position, the effigist gets to remain superior, competent, innocent, powerful, or unexposed.
Effigism is a persistent pattern of undermining the competence, value, and self-concept in the proxy individual that attempts to keep them in a failed state, and can have a devastating impact on the proxy’s mental, emotional, and even physical well-being.
The Proxy Experience
Effigism creates a form of emotional and developmental trauma that primarily impacts the self-concept of the proxy individual that can show up as a very distorted sense of self and impact how they perceive the world around them. These may include:
- Feeling broken of flawed in some way
- Believing that you are unlovable
- Struggling to set healthy boundaries
- Experiencing emotional emptiness
- Having a negative internal dialog
- Being drawn to unhealthy people
- Difficulty experiencing closeness
- Becoming emotionally flooded
- Difficulty figuring out who you are
- Feeling alone or alienated
Effigism is a pattern of emotional cruelty in which the effigist manages their own hidden wound by keeping another person in a diminished, defective, dependent, ridiculous, shameful, or failed position.
The other person becomes the weak one, the foolish one, the needy one, the unstable one, the incompetent one, the one who cannot get life right. As long as they stay in that position, the effigist gets to remain superior, competent, innocent, powerful, or unexposed.
It is common for those who have grown up in an effigistic home to have also experienced traumatic events in addition to the developmental trauma of the the effigistic pattern of damage to the self-concept. We may have experienced, physical abuse, sexual assault, molestation, threats, or verbal abuse, which can compound the severity of damage to our self-concept and nervous system.
Healing from Effigistic Trauma
Clarity
Clarity is power. When we can see the unhealthy patterns that have kept us in a failed state, we can employ new strategies to navigate through life in a healthier way.
Boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries is often very difficult for someone who grew up in an effigistic environment. We need to learn how to set and hold boundaries between what is ours and what is not.
Skills
Rebuilding our self-concept and relationships requires learning new skills that help us thrive in healthy environments, rather than relying on the old ways of coping.
Action
Action creates momentum, and momentum is the engine of our evolution. Taking the next right step will build the momentum to carry us into the life that we want.
